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November 11th, 2009 by Sean Larger Than Mind

Happy 11/11!

I don’t really have anything to offer today. I don’t know… for the past two months or so, I just haven’t been interested in “truth” or the “paranormal”. I think it’s related to the crystallization of Wolfram’s theory of everything. I just don’t feel the same passion that I used to.

I mean… Wolfram solved it. He figured reality out. Of course, there are an infinite number of details… but the big picture is complete. (Well, technically the big picture isn’t complete yet, but Wolfram has pointed in the correct direction, and it’s just a matter of time at this point… and I always reserve the right to be completely wrong.)

It’s funny, because I think we hold on to this illusion that God is some sort of personal being. Like a human, sitting and making decisions, and interfering with our lives, helping us along, etc. I see a different God now… neither personal nor impersonal. Larger than mind. I can’t contain the idea in my head anymore. I can’t label it, and parse it, and move it around… it’s too unknowable.

Inherent unpredictability. What a beautiful thought. What a sigh of relief.

Anyways…

There is so much to learn and wonder about in the world. I really love this world… it’s such a curious phenomenon. No box is big enough to contain it.

And the sneaky part is when I say “larger than mind”, our mind immediately grasps the concept. But what a slap in the face! “Larger than mind” loses all meaning once mind thinks it understands.

Like I said, I have nothing to offer you today… just random musings on life, the universe, and everything.

Posted in Note to Self, Philosophy | 8 Comments »

October 28th, 2009 by Sean Human

I would like to think that my “search for truth” is some noble venture. I would love to inflate my ego, and declare that my pursuit is a result of higher thinking, or that I stand on principle, or philosophy, or some other big idea. All lies!

My obsession for truth originates in my strong sense of survival. I don’t pursue truth for some higher purpose - I pursue it because my biology wants to survive, and my programming is betting that this abstract concept of “truth” will give me an evolutionary advantage.

And with that, my obsession is vanquished. Awareness is a bitch.

See, now the real questions start. The real hard ones. Such as, How does one live a fulfilling life? What matters?

These glowing rectangles are killing me.

Human.

Posted in Note to Self | 2 Comments »

April 6th, 2009 by Sean Evolution of Psionics

What is “Psionics”?

“Psionics” is an umbrella term for a variety of paranormal and psychic abilities. Skills like Telepathy, Psychokinesis, Remote Viewing, Out-of-Body Experiences, Energy Manipualtion (Psi Balls, Shields, Constructs), Empathy, and Precognition. The reality behind these skills is unknown, and they could all rely on different mechanisms to actually work, but they are still grouped together under the term “Psionics” simply due to their paranormal/psychic classification.

Is it real? Are you crazy?

Since Psionics is an umbrella term, the “realness” of each skill has it’s own body of literature. My personal experience and research, over the past decade, has led me to conclude that all the skills mentioned above are real. Of course, I could just be a nut, or just making a few honest mistakes, so who cares what I think?

Now what?

For the few reading, I want you to take a step back. What I mean by that is I want your mind to stop moving so much. Instead of thinking about psionics, or about a particular skill, or how cool it would be, or how silly it all is, or all the questions… just stop. Stop moving. There is plenty of time to think about whatever you want after you’ve finished reading this article. But for now, at the end of this sentence, just stop.

…

You don’t have to freeze your body or breath. Please, by all means, breathe normally, and relax your muscles. Just stop thinking so damn much. I’m not trying to put you in some voodoo trance or anything, I just need you to drop all your preconceived notions for a few minutes. After you finish reading, you are free to restore all your beloved notions, so don’t worry :-).

The Hidden Puzzle

After talking to thousands of people about psionics, I’ve noticed that there are two puzzles. The first puzzle is obvious: is psionics real? If so, how do I do it? How does it work? What about science and physics? What about religion? Am I insane? This is the puzzle we try to solve. This is the puzzle that we set our sites on, and work towards.

The second puzzle is hidden. It’s the puzzle we’re actually solving, while we think we’re solving the first. It is the puzzle of mind and meta-thought.

As long as the second puzzle remains unsolved, the first puzzle will always exist. If you truly want to cease the questions in the first, you must solve the second.

Not-Self Denial

What happens, though? We focus on the first, and because the second blocks our path, eventually we tire out and move on to something else. But the second puzzle always remains… it infects everything. Our limits, in any field, psionics or otherwise, is governed by mind. It is only until we push hard enough that we notice this limitation. Perhaps psionics will be the subject that motivates you to push that hard. Probably not, though.

What will probably happen is that psionics will spark some curiousity, which will give you some fire for a while. Maybe only enough motivation to finish this article, or maybe enough to read some more. For the few, psionics will motivate beyond reading, and spark us to try some exercises out. For the cursed, psionics might become a vessle for self-discovery and deeper understanding of reality.

Evolution of Psionics

Show me a question, and I will show you an insatiable mind.

The evolution of psionics is the transition of focus from the external world to the internal. I need you to make this transition, because your thoughts are killing me. They’re killing you. Just stop. Stop.

But you can’t. So run away… move on to something else. Run as far as you can, until mind reaps another casulity. Psionics was never really for you anyways.

Posted in Note to Self, ESP | 6 Comments »

March 15th, 2009 by Sean Certainty

Why is it that, the older we get, the more certain we become about reality?

And the more certain we become, the less magic there seems to be in the world?

Of course we can answer this in the boring sense: by virtue of having “unknowns” in your belief system, you subjectively sense magic because you cannot predict the future. It’s an inevitable result, limited to the confines of the mind. An illusion born out of your own ignorance.

Yeah, I get it.

What if it isn’t an illusion though? What if, by virtue of holding on to uncertainty, you genuinely affect reality, and allow magical things to happen? Meaning that: if you hold on to uncertainty, reality itself behaves differently for you.

It’s a mind-fuck. It blurs the line between subjectivity and objectivity.

I would like to test this theory out, but I have no clue how to go about it. How do you measure how uncertain you are? How do you determine whether this uncertainty is affecting reality, or mearly your perception of reality? How do you locate and bottle up the unknown?

Posted in Note to Self, Philosophy, Belief Systems | 10 Comments »

February 16th, 2009 by Sean The Spirit Is Not Special

(More ramblings)

There is a certain special property to the unknown. When we don’t know something, our imagination is free to fill in the details. Like a magic trick: when we see an amazing illusion, the fact that it fools us has a special feel. But once we learn the actual trick behind it - usually something very simple - that feeling is lost. It’s no longer special. It’s just a stupid trick.

As a culture, we don’t know what happens when we die. A lot of us have beliefs, but because the concept of death is irreversible by definition… there is no certainty. As a result, death holds a very unique place in our minds. It is inherently unknown, and therefore inherently special.

There are ways to study death without actually dieing, though. Out of body experiences might be related in some way (I believe that they are, but to be fair, I haven’t proven it). But there’s another way to study death. Study reality itself. If we learn something about reality, then we can apply it to death, even though we can’t study death directly.

The more I deconstruct myself, the more I realize that so many things are contained only in mind. For example: time. Is time etched into reality itself? Does reality know that it is 11:47am? No. “11:47am” is a result of mind. It was a system built by humans after noticing the frequency between night and day, and the seasonal changes, etc. If I go to Mars, then our human system of time is completely useless. Reality doesn’t care about time - only mind does.

Recently, I’ve discovered that “sacred”, “greater meaning”, “purpose”, “divine”, etc… is contained only in mind. Reality doesn’t care about what an event means to you. Remove the mind, and the meaning is removed.

Death is also a product of only-mind. Reality follows the conservation of energy: nothing is created or destroyed. What does this mean?

It means that we’ve circumvented the need to study death. Is there life after death? The question doesn’t make sense. Or rather, if I’m forced to answer, then the answer I come up with is:

If there is life after death, then ok. If there isn’t, then ok.

What’s so special about the spirit anyways?

Posted in Note to Self, Philosophy | 15 Comments »

January 27th, 2009 by Sean Where Am I

Alright, so where am I on this path? Man, I’ve nearly forgotten. Forgive me if this post is about myself and my history… I know it’s egotistical. This is post is more for myself, than for the audience. Reader beware.

So I started with the intution that the world was a mystical place… but got slapped pretty hard by science. What… you don’t really believe in magic, do you? It’s just a trick, dummy.

My first incarnation was as an atheist fundamentalist. Life was simple. I was right, and everyone else was wrong. This lasted until my first death, at age 15, when I discovered a gapping hole in my logic. Maybe I was wrong? *gasp*

This new thought revolutionized my beliefs. If I could be 100% convinced of something, and be 100% wrong, then I must question everything. No belief could go unexamined. This ushered in a new era of doubt and uncertainty.

During the next few years, I dabbled in a lot of beliefs. I didn’t have the authority to deny any belief - it could be true, or have uniquely true parts to it - and therefore I had the responsibility to listen and try everything. Christianity? Check. Catholicism? Check. Buddhism? Check. Paganism? Psychic abilities? Life after death? Wiccan rituals? Goddesses? Check check check.

My psyche was split… I had an open-minded clean slate on one side, and a cynical close-minded skeptic on the other. Part of me had to try everything, another part of me had to ridicule it.

My second death happened in June of 2006. I killed my inner skeptic. After 7.5 years of effort, I finally delivered the knock-out punch: proof of non-physical energy.

So, things were good. My open-minded spiritual self had conquered the close-minded cynical self. Good triumphed over evil, right?

Alright! So, I gave my spiritual self free reign. To the victor goes the spoils.

My spiritual self kept lecturing me about purpose, and meaning, and personal development, and higher consciousness (whatever that means), and indoctrinated me in the world of expanded awareness. Oh glory day! I was born again!

But damn it all to hell, things just fell apart when I started to ask a few simple questions. For example: how do you determine your purpose? Can you change your mind? If you can change your mind, then how can you ever be sure you have the right purpose? If you can’t change your mind, then who the hell decided what my purpose was? Or how can I expand my consciousness without knowing what consciousness actually is? How do I measure progress? Can I use a ruler to measure the size of my consciousness?

My questions were no longer cynical in nature… they were just honest questions. Does everyone’s life have the same meaning? How can I figure out the meaning behind an experience? Does reality even care about meaning, or is this something my mind has just created?

Clearly, there are no clear answers :-).

Drunk on consciousness-ness, I devised a plan to put it to the test. Alright, spiritual self! Put some money where your mouth is! If your model of reality is correct, then you should have no problem winning the lottery :-). But no cheating… you can’t use mechanical methods like ESP or PK. Does reality have divine meaning? Is there an intelligent plan? Is there a spiritual purpose? Put up, or shut up.

My third death happened on the 25th of January. My spiritual self’s vision of reality has failed, and I have politely asked it to leave, and take all it’s belief-baggage with it.

Where does that leave me, today? Are there any illusionary self’s left to kill? The atheist died. The skeptic died. The divine died. Another one bites the dust.

I fear stepping into an identity will only lead me down the same path of non-self destruction. But mustn’t I have an identity to function? Perhaps I can just pretend for a while, and enjoy the ride?

Heh, whatever :-). Maybe life is easier than I think? “Just do your best”… you know?

Posted in Note to Self | 11 Comments »

January 25th, 2009 by Sean Lottery Failure, Meaning of Life

It’s been nearly 2 years, and I haven’t won the jackpot. Therefore, I have failed my goal. I told myself, in March of 2007, that if I didn’t win by March of 2009, then I must deal with the failure directly.

On the plus side, I have won some money, and have beaten the odds. I can achieve some success… but not at the level I need to in order to win the jackpot.

I’ve been thinking a lot about it recently. For me, it’s been a question of Meaning. What is The Meaning of life, ya know?

A lot of people don’t really think about it… they pawn off the responsibility to some other person or book. That’s bullshit. Or, they conclude that they’ll never know, so stop thinking about it, and just move on. I also disagree with this approach.

If I knew the Meaning, then I could work towards that Meaning. For example, if the Meaning was to have babies… then I could just get married, have kids, and call it a day. Or if the Meaning was to help people, then I could just join the Peace Corps, teach people stuff, and call it a day. Or if the Meaning was to fight for freedom, then I could just become a Constitutional lawyer, run for public office, and call it a day :-).

The point is: how I answer the question of “Meaning” has a large impact on the decisions I make on a daily basis. It determines what direction I work towards. I’m willing! Give me a Meaning, and I will work hard for it! I’ve searched and searched, and all answers have failed.

“You choose your own Meaning of life!” Blah blah blah. If I choose the meaning of life, then it isn’t the meaning of life, is it? It’s the meaning of Sean’s choice.

See, I’ve developed another thought. Not only is there no meaning, but I think the entire premise is false. It’s false to need meaning. Instead of figuring out what the (non-existant) Meaning is, I should instead remove my need for a meaning.

What is meaning, anyways? What does meaning mean?

I get asked questions like, “I just had a really weird experience. What does it mean?” I never know how to answer those questions. What does it mean? What does it mean to you? I can’t tell YOU what it means to YOU. You tell me!

Ultimately, I think “meaning” is a bastardisation of “truth”. When we ask for the meaning behind something, we are really asking for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. What does a car wreck mean? Well, it means you were going 40 miles per hour, and ignored the red light. Then, another driver who assumed you would stop at a red light, drove under their green light… upon which, you hit them, because the trajectory and timing of the vehicles put them in the same location, at the same point in time… which can’t happen… so instead, the cars rammed into each other. The metal bent, in accordance to how metal bends, based on the atomic properties of the chemical bonds in the material. Yadda yadda yadda.

There is no meaning outside of truth. There is no meaning of life, because the premise - that life exists - is incorrect to begin with. Sure, since we are human, we have human nature… which tells us to survive and reproduce. But the truth is, that if all humans were wiped off the face of this Earth… no one would care. There would be no one to care. Just like no one cared when the dinosaurs went extinct. The dinosaurs probably cared while it was happening… but they don’t care now. The atoms that made up the dinosaurs are layered under the Earth, or are flowing in a river, or maybe inside of your body. The very atoms that made up a ticeratops’ lungs are now protein strands in your brain, storing your memory as an 11 year old. And those protein strands couldn’t care less that they aren’t part of a tricertops anymore.

When we ask for the Meaning of life… the question is false, because the premise is that we are external to this world, looking into it through the lense of this human body. When we ask for the Meaning of life, we presuppose a false identity. The real question - the only question - is: Who Am I? What is the one true identity?

So what the hell does this have to do with the lottery?

The lottery was chosen as a vehicle through which to test life metaphors against the backdrop of reality - without relying on a human mind to give it meaning. The lottery project’s question was: does meaning exist outside of the human mind? The results responded: No. Meaning is created in the mind afflicted with the disease of identity. Meaning is not part of reality itself… it is a by-product of the human experience.

(As a side note, the observed phenomenon of “deeper meaning” is therefore a result of psychology and telepathy - theory #2 is correct.)

So: what is the meaning of life? A good answer is: peace, love, freedom, etc. A better answer is: whatever you choose for your own life. The correct answer is: Mu.

…

…Still, we are stuck.

Posted in Lottery, Note to Self, Philosophy, Belief Systems | 11 Comments »

January 2nd, 2009 by Sean Are We Real?

If all my decisions can be traced back to the automated processing of my subconscious… do I ever make real decisions?

Why do I even exist? Why am I even aware of this moment?

Evolution, psychology, sociology, chemistry, physics… these disciplines outline a very clear message. I can see the fear laced beneath the surface of the scientist’s dissertation. The message is that we don’t exist. Everything has been accounted for. We know who, what, when, where, how.

It’s not that I don’t see beauty in this system… I see amazing beauty. Numbers can do amazing things; I get it. But they’re still just numbers.

…

Here’s a fun exercise: identify something you feel is sacred. Maybe God, or music, or poetry, or a religious text, or reproduction, or relationships, or family, or perpetual motion, or secret government, or morality, or correctness, or cleanliness, or technology, or whatever. Then, immerse yourself in it, and learn and experience everything about it. Push yourself to the very brink. Do not deny yourself any piece of relevance.

What will you learn? The object itself was never sacred. It’s perceived sacred-ness was a projection from the inner workings of your own mind. There is no such thing as “sacred”. It’s just your mind.

Everywhere I look, all I see is mind. This computer is mind. This music is mind. This air. These feelings. I cannot escape mind.

I know I am not mind… but I can’t not use mind in order to search for myself. And I can’t not use mind to express this.

The point is this:

Mind is not real. By extension, reality is not real. I’ve been chasing my shadow, for a glimpse of my face. Is Nothing worthwhile? Will Nothing satisfy my thirst for existence?

Ramblings.

Posted in Note to Self, Subconscious | 15 Comments »

September 28th, 2008 by Sean Lottery - Full Circle

It’s taken me about 18 months, but I’ve finally come full circle with my thoughts about the lottery…

When I first started trying to win the lottery, I believed that I needed to do so through some sort of understanding. A lottery-nirvana. This evolved into trying out different techniques related to consciousness. Altering my belief structures, trancing, precognition, intention manifestation, etc.

As those techniques (mostly) failed, I began to think that science was the way to go. Think of an experiment, go through the motion, and be done with it. Plug and chug. I had turned away from the consciousness-based approach, and thought a more mechanical way would work. I looked at winning as a result of a series of successful experiments.

The problem with designing and executing experiments was finally realized and expressed in my post, Pseudoscience. The scientific method can only help us so much… but how do you turn a microscope on itself?

So I return to my first thoughts, with a more robust sense of direction. There is no mechanical way to win the lottery; from a machine’s perspective, the lottery drawing is a chaotic process. No amount of formulae can predict the future. Our destination is a result of decision - not determinism. The only way to win the lottery is to plug into a decision-making machine: Consciousness.

I’m still at a loss on how I’m going to do this… perhaps that’s why I continue to fail. I’m trying to find the middle path. I’m not there yet.

Posted in Lottery, Note to Self | 7 Comments »

September 20th, 2008 by Sean Self-Replication vs. Truth

I haven’t posted in over a month. I had a revelation, which had the effect of removing a lot of my motivation for expressing myself. In fact, I feel very little drive to make this post… but I feel I should at least get my words on paper for my own sake - and maybe the few reading can provide insight as well.

“Survival of the fitest” describes so much. I’ve obviously read about evolution before… but it never really hit home until recently. Everything we see around us is only there because it self-replicates. The only things that persist are those things that can adapt to their environment, and reproduce. I’m not just talking about biology - ideas and thoughts are the same way. In fact, all of life as we know it is a result of self-replication and adaptation.

Now of course, I’ve thought about evolution in the past, and agreed with it mostly. I’ve known the concept of a “meme” for years. It’s not like I’m talking about any real new idea here. It’s just the level of appreciation that’s changed. In the past, it was an interesting idea that I touched upon every once in a while, that remained in the back of my mind. But recently it’s been thrusted into the forefront, and become a cornerstone of my understanding of what I experience on a day to day basis.

This actually depressed me for quite a while. It was like beating a game… yes, it feels great to be done with it, but at the same time it’s a little bittersweet. I was happy that I understood a lot of my experiences and beliefs… but at the same time, depressed that I could no longer be intellectually honest with myself about holding on to stupid ideas.

My depression was eventually overcome. My subconscious sorted it out for me.

Self-replication explains nearly everything about our human experience. On a biological, psychological, and philosophical level. Self-replication is so powerful because it has persisting power. Everyone has random thoughts, and does random things… but if those things don’t persist, then in the long run, you really won’t notice them. They will eventually fizzle out. For example, how many people believe that the Earth is flat? Not too many. The idea isn’t persistent.

I tried to imagine the most persistent thing. What could adapt and self-replicate the best? I started listing different organisims in my mind, playing out a long term simulation in my head. I listed different religions, and my knowledge about how they persisted and adapted to the populace. Then I thought about just general ideas, and their ability to persist. Mathematics should persist for a long time… math is considered a universal language. What else… what else…

Then it hit me: truth. Truth is the only thing that escapes this need of persistence. What I mean by that is: gravity will last longer than the human race. If something is true, then something is true… permanently. Truth doesn’t adapt… and it doesn’t self-replicate. The things that do adapt and self-replicate are constantly trying to align themselves with truth - for survival - but truth doesn’t really have that problem.

This removed my depression. But it also removed my desire to share my thoughts with the world. Who cares if someone disagrees with me? And who cares if someone agrees with me? Truth transcends persistence. So everything is OK.

In the past I felt a need to get my ideas out… but probably because I was convinced by someone else that it’s good to get your ideas out. Because they were getting their ideas out - to me. The idea of “you need to express yourself” is just a self-replicating thought. If I sit here and preach that everyone needs to get a blog, and tell the world their thoughts… then those who I convince to do so will spread the same idea… telling their readers to get a blog, and tell the world their thoughts. It doesn’t matter what my line of reasoning is for why people should express themselves… just the more effective the reason is, the more the “express yourself” idea will self-replicate.

But none of that matters now. Truth trumps all that. Do I need to convince you that gravity exists? Uh, no. A truth will exist whether the conceptualization of that truth is self-replicating or not. It’s not so much “who gives a shit” as it’s “truth has already won the fight”.

So… with that said… perhaps you can see why I feel no motivation for expressing my thoughts (as much as I used to, at least).

Posted in Note to Self, Philosophy, Belief Systems, Science | 10 Comments »

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